


Canis Major

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe- non magic, Blind Character, Blind Sirius, Established Relationship, Fluff, Multi, Pining, Poly fic, Polyamory, Slow Burn, demi-male Sirius, modern marauders, nonbinary Sirius, reunited fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always James, Remus, and Sirius.  That was just how they functioned, the lines between relationships and friendships blurred.  But when Sirius decides to head abroad right after school, nothing is the same.  Ten years later he returns with secrets and a longing to be the way they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Canis Major

**Author's Note:**

> Written for vmhtx's prompt: Well since you did so great last time I asked maybe this time make it WolfStarBucks? Except like it's James/Remus and they meet Sirius who's going blind and he's genderfluid and it just becomes utter fuluffiness together?
> 
> So I went with NB- demi-male instead of genderfluid, and I kind of gave them an established relationship/friendship which evolves into more so I hope that's okay. x

They’d all been best friends, though those lines had always been blurred between James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black. Things progressed beyond truth or dare drunken snogs more than once. Celebration when their house won the footie cup—especially the last two years with James as Captain. Sometimes it was just when one of them was feeling poorly, or low.

Things got heated between all of them the year Sirius was unceremoniously thrown out, disinherited, and eventually adopted by the Potters.

It was just a thing.

Even during James’ disastrous, on-again, off-again affair with Lily during lower sixth, the other two came first.

They were their first everythings.

James was Sirius’ first hug.

Sirius was Remus’ first kiss.

Remus was James’ first shag.

James was Remus’ first I love you.

James and Remus were the first ones Sirius told when he realized he was not entirely a boy. "It's not me. That label to doesn't fit me."

James was the first one to buy Sirius a dress, which he wore proudly on their night out.

Remus was the first one to catch on when Sirius wanted new pronouns. And neither of them ever second guessed Sirius.

It was James who discovered the term demi-male, and when Sirius learnt the meaning of the word, he openly wept because for the first time in the world something made sense. Remus and James kissed him that night, and plaited his hair and looked up eyeliner technique and let Sirius practise on them all night.

It was just how they were. And they were content.

They didn’t anticipate what would come next. After they took their exams and courted the idea of a gap year and Uni.

James openly wept, mourning fiercely when Sirius packed his case and declared he was leaving. He hadn’t told them he was applying abroad, for MIT where he was going to go on full scholarship to get his degree in engineering. Regulus was joining him. They were buggering off as far away from their family as humanly possible and whilst James couldn’t begrudge his best friend the opportunity to go, it was going to be six long years without him.

Because whilst they promised to keep in touch, there was no promise Sirius was ever coming back.

James took comfort in Remus. They took a gap year together and travelled on James’ inheritance, with full blessing from the Potters. They visited Remus’ family in Tel Aviv, stopped in Nonthaburi to visit Andi who had moved Ted and Nym to Thailand to be rid of the Blacks—her own means of escape. They went to Kashmir to stay with the Potters for nearly four months before taking a long European tour.

University awaited, and so did something else.

Falling in love.

It took a bottle of wine and a ridiculously cliché Paris night with the full moon looming over the Seine. They were in some posh room Remus didn’t even want to know the cost of. They’d spent the day shopping for ridiculous things to mail to Sirius and Regulus, and it made them a bit sad.

They took the bottle of wine to the terrace and it was too acidic and Remus knew he was going to pay for it in the morning, but James was holding his hand as they leant over the railing. Occasionally his fingers would brush through his curls, toying with wayward strands, and he was smiling in spite of missing their other friend so much.

“I love you,” James blurted.

Remus blinked, then grinned and laughed. “I know, you git.”

“No,” James said. He reached out and turned Remus in his arms and cupped the sides of his neck with purpose. “I love you, Remus. I keep trying to think of what my life would be like without you. Sirius left a gaping wound but you’re here and…I just…it means…” He licked his lips and stepped closer, invading all of Remus’ space, crowding him back against the railings. “I love you.”

Remus blinked, then reached up a shaking hand to trace one of James’ eyebrows and he knew this was it. “I know, Prongs,” he breathed, using their ancient childhood nickname to remind him just how long he’d been absolutely dedicated to the man standing front of him. “I love you too.”

Their lips crashed together and it was bittersweet in a way because the bed was big enough for one more body. But Sirius wasn’t there.

So James and Remus held each other a little bit tighter and a little bit longer and in the end, it was alright.

*** 

Years passed. Remus went into publishing, James went into law. They fell in love and moved in together, then broke up and got new boyfriends, then fell in love again and by the time University was over and they were established, they had a nice cottage just outside of London where Remus worked from home, and the commute wasn’t too murder for James.

They were approaching twenty-eight now, feeling older and complete in a way—and yet strangely devoid because the loss of Sirius had never gone away. They chatted with him from time to time. Monthly emails when he wasn’t too busy, usually a plea for tea and jaffa cakes he couldn’t find in the states.

Remus, ever the reliable one who still considered Sirius his very best friend in spite of not having seen him in ten years—would always send it.

Then one day, an August afternoon when James was out of the country, that was pissing rain all over the city, Remus got a call.

“Moonbeam.”

It was a voice Remus had heard so infrequently through the years that he almost didn’t recognise it. His throat went a bit tight, and he cleared it. “Sirius?”

“The very same. I have some most excellent news for you.”

Groping for a chair, Remus plonked down, his eyes gone a bit fuzzy with emotion. “What’s that, Padfoot?”

Sirius chuckled at the name. “Well, I’m going to be in the country tomorrow. Just afternoon. You want to be a mate and pick me up?”

Remus was sure all coherent thought had abandoned him completely, and he struggled to find the words. “I…yes. Of course. God Sirius…of course I will.”

“Jamie too?”

“Bugger. Fuck. No he’s in Amsterdam right now for the week! He’s going to murder me if…wait. How long are you back for?”

“That’s the second surprise. I’m back for…well. Good. I got a job in London and well some…some stuff happened. I’ll explain it when you get me. But well, I guess I can wait a week for Prongs, can’t I?”

Remus was crying and just decided he didn’t give a shit anymore because Sirius was coming home. “I doubt he can, but he hasn’t got a choice. I can’t believe you’re going to be here.”

“Neither can I. Tomorrow then?”

“I’ll be there.” The very last thing Remus wanted to do was ring off, but the international minutes and the stress in Sirius’ voice halted his protests. He felt it too. After ten years, what would it be like? He’d never given up on having Sirius back in their lives, but in what capacity? He loved Sirius. Loved him as he loved James now, and he knew James had as well.

So what would that mean?

And what was Sirius’ news?

Had he met someone? Maybe he was getting married?

Sirius had given vague details about relationships over the years, but the idea of Sirius belonging to anyone else but them made Remus feel decidedly ill. Like his stomach was trying to crawl out of his feet. 

He decided not to think on it. Instead he phoned James and had to listen to his lover swear in a very un-James like manner because he couldn’t be there straight away.

“But he’s back,” Remus said. He let the unspoken whatifs, and what might bes hang in the air because he knew James understood them too. And now was not the time. “You’ll see him the moment you get in. I’ll make sure he’s free when your flight arrives.”

“You had better,” James said thickly. “I…I love you, Moony. So fucking much.”

Remus smiled because he didn’t need to be reminded, but it was a very James thing to do anyway. “I love you too. I can’t wait until you’re home.”

*** 

Remus was there an hour early, just in case by some miracle Sirius had been wrong, or there was some sort of wormhole that whipped the plane through the sky much faster than anticipated.

In the end the plane was a little bit late, and Remus got stuck in the café queue grabbing himself and Sirius both lattes, and made it to the meeting area late.

Sirius was stood there looking the same as he had been, with his hand gripping the most hideously yellow case Remus had ever seen. He was wearing black leggings and a white tunic blouse. His hair was long as it had ever been, plaited down his back, a smear of red lipgloss and his god-awful, never-ending motorbike boots. He looked nervous, and he didn’t seem to have spotted Remus until Remus gave up and just threw his arms round him.

“You git,” Remus muttered into his hair.

Sirius was laughing and hugging back and kissing the side of Remus’ face. “What the hell took so long?”

“I was trying to be nice and get you a coffee,” Remus muttered as he stepped back. He looked Sirius up and down, drinking him in and oh god he had missed him so much. “Here.”

Sirius wrapped his fingers round it, and gave Remus an odd look, turning his head sideways instead of facing him full on. “You’re the same,” he said.

Remus laughed. “I guess I am. Just ten years older.”

Sirius shook his head and sipped the latte, and let out a sigh. “I can’t believe I’m back.”

“Are you alone?” Remus asked boldly, deciding to just dive straight in. “It’s just you?”

Sirius licked his lips. “It’s just me. I was hoping you might have space on your sofa for a stray?”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Remus then took his case and Sirius took his arm and they headed out to the car park where Remus popped the boot and shoved it in. “Also that case is fucking hideous. Why?”

Sirius barked a laugh. “I actually have a very good reason for it.”

It was then Remus noticed something different. The odd way Sirius moved his head to the side and his fingers moved round the car door until they found the handle and it hit Remus all at once like a blow to the gut. “Sirius,” he breathed.

“Just get in, Moons,” Sirius replied stiffly.

Remus couldn’t do anything other than comply with Sirius’ command, but he didn’t move the car. He clutched the keys in his hand so tight the metal bit into his palm and he stared at Sirius who was not looking back. Not properly. “When? Why? How long?”

Sirius laughed, this time sounding more pained than before. “Well actually it started quite a few years ago. I started noticing things in my vision were getting wonky. Just…off kilter. I thought it was stress. You know Reg and I worked round the clock and I reckoned my eyes were just tired. Only that wasn’t it. I got a dark spot in my right eye, right in the centre of my vision. I waited a little while to see if it would go away but Reg forced me to go in.”

“Oh god,” Remus breathed.

Sirius waved his hand. “It’s alright. I mean, it’s shite, but it’s alright. It progressed really slowly up until the last six months when suddenly I lost ninety percent of my vision in my right eye. Left’s sat at about forty percent loss, which really isn’t all that bad.”

Remus closed his eyes, then opened them slowly. “What is it?”

“Macular degeneration,” Sirius said. “They have medications for it but the rapid onset well…it hasn’t helped. Reckon most of it will be gone by the first of the year.”

Remus swallowed. “Alright. And you didn’t tell us because…?”

“James would have got on a plane, obligations and jobs be damned, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. So he would have got angry and frustrated and honestly I just wanted to wait until it was so far gone all he could do was get sad and then get over it.”

Remus had to laugh because in all these years James hadn’t changed, and Sirius hadn’t forgotten. “Fuck. Well. Alright, then. So what do you need?”

“I’ve got appointments set up. I’m doing occupational rehab, learning all the blind shit I need to know,” Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ve got braille down really well. Started that when I learnt there was no cure and I would be blind no matter what. I’ve got a cane, don’t much need it all the time. Not yet. But I’m supposed to be using it so people know that you know I’m…I might not see them.”

“And your case is yellow so you didn’t have to read the tag,” Remus finished in a low voice.

“Right in one. It was better than the disgusting orange option.”

Remus sighed, then switched the car on, and headed back to his.

*** 

Sirius seemed to navigate alright, though he kept his hand lightly on Remus’ shoulder as they approached the cottage. “Pads,” Remus said as he unlocked his door. “I have no idea what the fuck I’m meant to be doing for you right now.”

Sirius froze, then barked a laugh. “It’s…I’m alright, Moons. Really.”

Remus swung the door wide and quickly shucked his coat, draping it over the hook. He watched as Sirius stepped in, turning his head from side to side, and he had to wonder because he had no idea what the fuck that condition even was. Clearly it was obscuring his vision in some way, but he moved about alright presently, though he never looked at anything dead on.

“I’m going to make tea,” Remus said.

“God, I could cry at those words. The Americans do not understand the importance of tea.” Sirius helped himself to the sofa, and grinned widely when Remus returned with a tea tray, piled haphazardly with two cups of milky tea—exactly the way Sirius always took it before, and a couple of half-gone packages of chocolate biscuits.

Sirius bypassed the biscuits for now, gulping the tea, and he rested his head back against the cushions. “Fuck. Why did I ever leave?”

“Because you’re a bloody idiot,” Remus said, sat close enough, just not quite touching. He sipped his own tea, then sighed.

After a while, Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to face Remus properly. “Just ask, okay? It’s me, Moons. Stop tiptoeing round it.”

Remus’ cheeks flushed. “I just…what’s it like? Are you terrified? How can you even…I mean how do you…” He swallowed, then let out a sharp breath when Sirius reached over and took his hand.

“My right eye is shite. I have a sliver of vision round the sides but not much else. My left eye’s got a ruddy great blind spot straight in the centre, but I can see in my periphery a decent amount. For now. And I…I don’t really have a choice, Moons. Do I? I mean it’s happening and it’s…. I'm re-learning how to apply my makeup without looking at myself, and...and I'm learning to trust people when they tell me I've got it right. It is what it is.”

Remus licked his lips and let his fingers tighten on Sirius’. “It’s fucking shite is what it is, Padfoot. I mean if anyone’s going to be fucking fine it’s you but…”

“Look. Am I a bit terrified? Yes. I’m sodding…it’s…” Sirius took a breath and tugged Remus close so their thighs pressed together and there was no space for Remus’ arm to do anything but come around his shoulders. Which it did, and Remus tugged him close. “There’s going to be a day when I wake up and there’s just nothing. And I can only hope it moves slow enough that I can give myself time to adjust. But there’s loads I can do to make things easier and I just…I get by. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

Remus took a breath and leant his head on Sirius’ shoulder, breathing him in. By some miracle he smelt the same as he always had and god, it just made the wound he’d got used to after all those years of Sirius’ absence feel that much worse. “I’m happy you’re home.”

Sirius grinned and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I am too.”

*** 

James was furious. Sirius tried to convince Remus not to tell him, but Remus knew James would do better with a few days to adjust to the news that Sirius was home for good, and that he was now going blind. James shouted at Sirius for keeping the secret, hurt because James had always believed in spite of the distance Sirius was still his Sirius.

And they didn’t keep secrets.

But eventually he was sorted out and calm and they had a long chat after about all the bashing about London they were going to do the moment James got in. Sirius made him promise not to coddle him, and James agreed so long as there was cuddling. Sirius then agreed so long as Remus didn’t which earnt him a smack upside the head from Remus.

When it was over, Sirius went out for a fag and Remus took the call into the bedroom.

“How is he, really?”

“Exactly as he says he is,” Remus said with a small sigh. “He’s dealing with it. And he’s open. I guess he’s had quite a few years to you know, deal with it.”

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell us.”

“Because he knew you’d do something stupid, like uproot us to the States,” Remus reminded him. “It’s…it is what it is. It’s fine. I missed him and he’s home and soon you will be. Things are…they’ll be alright.”

James let out a sigh. “I missed him too. I…Remus I…”

“I know,” Remus said quietly, letting the unspoken float between them. James missed him more than just as a friend. And so did Remus. In a way all three of them expected there would be more to their relationship once they got older and then Sirius had left.

And now he was back.

“Look if he…if you two…” James cleared his throat, suddenly sounding ten years younger and a bit terrified. “It’s alright with me, is what I’m saying. Might be better if you…you know. First.”

“Is that what you want?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” James admitted. “It doesn’t mean…”

“I know,” Remus interrupted. He didn’t want James to say it because he didn’t need to hear it. He knew already that whatever it was they had, it was forever. It just might need to include Sirius too. If Sirius was willing.

*** 

Remus would find out that night.

Sirius hadn’t come in from his smoke, and when Remus found him, he was sat in the garden with his back to the wall, legs stretched out in Remus’ very carefully cultivated grass. The wind was picking up, but there weren’t clouds yet and Sirius’ gaze was trained upward.

“I hope I can still see in November,” he muttered quietly. “I’d like to see my star before it all you know…goes to dark.”

Remus couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he picked up Sirius’ hand and playe with his fingers. “James says he can’t wait until he’s home. He…we…missed you.”

Sirius closed his eyes and curled his fingers into Remus’ larger palm. “I missed you so much. It was hard sometimes. Leaving you two was like carving out a couple of vital organs or something. And the wounds never healed. Every time I dated or made a friend I couldn’t stop wondering what you would think. Or what James might say. Or how when we broke up there wasn’t soft kisses and whiskey and late night cuddles.”

Remus tugged him close and turned his face, feathering soft kisses along his cheeks. “We never left, you know. We were never far.”

“I had to find myself.”

Remus smiled gently as he drew lines up and down Sirius’ bare arm. “And did you?”

“Reckoned I never lost myself, I just didn’t know it. Til now.”

Remus let himself just feel Sirius next to him for a while. “Promise me you’re not leaving again.”

“M’not,” Sirius said, turning his face up. His hand moved out, eyes still closed so he searched with his fingers until he found Remus’ chin and cupped it. “Seal it with a kiss?”

“Sirius,” Remus breathed before closing the distance. It was hesitant at first, but turned warm and needy. Their tongues slid together familiar and aching, and Remus moaned gently into Sirius’ mouth.

“James going to hate me for this?” Sirius asked against Remus’ lips.

Remus laughed. “He’d hate me if I passed up the opportunity. There’s always been a Sirius’ shaped space in our lives just waiting for you to fill it.”

Sirius hummed, pressing his forehead against Remus’. “Well I’m here now.”

“And I feel whole again.”

*** 

James arrived back on a Wednesday amidst an ugly storm pissing all over the city. Just the walk to fetch James and back had them all soaked through.

“I was hoping to get a pint or something,” Sirius groused as he threw himself into the backseat of the car. “Fuck.”

James attempted to get in the front, but Remus glared him down until he clambered into the back, and quickly put his arms round Sirius as Remus got the heat blasting through. Sirius gave a happy sigh as he abandoned all pretences and began to explore James’ mouth thoroughly with his own.

Remus wondered, taking a long pause to decide if he was bothered. But turning his head and seeing their eyes closed and bodies melded together, he knew this was exactly as it should be.

They arrived back at the cottage in record time. Remus offered a bath, but Sirius’ plans were to get them all stripped down and under a duvet and exploring each other with a boldness they didn’t have at eighteen.

It was new. They formed new shapes together after ten years, but they still fit, and it wasn’t long before they were sated and comfortable and sleepy. Sirius was in the middle, turning his face to kiss James first, then to the other side and he kissed Remus.

“We’re good here? Like this. Right?”

“More than,” James said. He turned Sirius round to spoon him, draping one arm possessively over his waist, the other searching under the pillows until it found Remus’ fingers and he tugged him close. “This is perfect.”

“Mm,” Remus agreed as he put his face right into the crook of Sirius’ neck. “It absolutely is.”

*** 

With November came Sirius’ star and he was down to thirty percent vision in his left eye, and nothing in his right. But it was enough to see the star.

“It’s because I’m so bright, you know.” They were on the bonnet of Remus’ car with a blanket under them, the three grown men barely able to fit but they made it work somehow. Sirius was lying on his side so his periphery could see the most of the sky, and he was smiling.

“You are the brightest,” Remus said, and drew his knuckles down Sirius’ cheek.

Sirius nuzzled in, laughing when James flopped a possessive arm round his waist. James Potter, the man who would not be left out. Remus and Sirius loved that most about him.

“Reg rang earlier,” Remus said, carding his fingers into Sirius’ hair. “You were out but he said you made good progress on that speech to text software. He’s coming what? Next month?”

“Yes, for three, I think. It’ll take a while since we need that grant,” Sirius murmured.

“You’ll get it,” James said quietly into the back of Sirius’ neck.

Just then a massive cloud covered both Sirius and the moon, and the human embodiment of the brightest star sighed. “Guess that’s it, then. My farewell.”

“You’ll always know it,” Remus said, and he was rewarded with a soft kiss and a smile.

*** 

A year later, Sirius got home later than normal. He pushed open the door, hanging his cane on a hook along with his precious leather jacket he refused to give up no matter that James told him it was starting to look near retirement age.

He sniffed the air, smelling something spicy which meant Moony was working late and James was cooking. He made his way through the lounge, to the bedroom where he could hear James humming, and he leant against the doorframe to their bedroom.

“Well hello there, you unreasonably attractive man.”

James laughed, his heavy footfalls crossing the room to tug Sirius into a gentle kiss. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Do you now?” Sirius waggled his brows which got him a slight smack on the bicep. “Not a naked one, then?”

“Let’s save that bit for when Moony’s home. He could probably use a good blowie after his night.”

Sirius grinned at the thought, but put his hand on James’ shoulder. “Alright so what’s this surprise?”

James grabbed his hand and carefully tugged him across the room to the desk, then lifted his arm by the wrist. “Going to have you touch something on the wall.”

“This had better not be some prank, James Potter,” Sirius warned, knowing full well James wouldn’t take advantage of him, but it was necessary for him to say it. Because he refused to lose the Marauder streak that lived in all three of them.

“Not this time.” James came round the back of him tucking one arm round his waist, the other guiding Sirius hand to something on the wall. 

A canvas, Sirius’ fingers supplied. Then he felt the bumps and at first tried to read them as braille until he realised they weren’t exactly that. They were something else. Something he’d felt before in a book ages ago.

“Constellations,” he whispered.

James grinned, pressing a kiss to his neck. “Moony contacted the publishing house who did that braille book on space and got them to print a canvas version of the constellations. So you’ve got your star any time you want.”

Sirius grinned, his heart thumping because his lovers were so fucking ridiculous but in the best way possible. His fingers found Canis Major, then they found Leo and he traced Regulus who was unfailingly his partner and brother.

Then he turned in James’ arms and kissed him long and slow. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“Well,” James said against Sirius’ mouth. “On the third of November, you were born. And that’s pretty deserving, if I do say so myself.”

Sirius held him so tight. “I fucking love you, James Potter.”

“I love you too. But save some for Moons.”

Sirius had every intention of doing so.


End file.
